Unlike family ties or partnerships, friendship is based on a voluntary basis and lasts as long as there is a mutual desire for closeness and support.
Since the time of Aristotle, friendship has been considered a prerequisite for a happy life. Although it belongs to the oldest topics in the reflection of human nature (or in the social sciences in general), it is in psychology still less studied than other relationships, primarily family and love relationships. Psychology professors Mazad Hoxhat and Anne Moyer, both with years of experience in research and clinical work, edited the book Psychology of Friendship (Clio, translated by Indira Funduk) with the intention of giving friendship the attention it deserves.
They remind that friendship is simultaneous emotionally anchor and social bridge, but also one of the few relationships in which an individual can choose with whom to share his world.
Unlike family ties, which are biologically determined or legally conditioned, or partner relationships, which often include legal, economic and social obligations, friendship is based on a voluntary basis. Without legal, institutional and social compulsion to maintain it, friendship survives as long as there is a mutual desire for closeness and support. Besides being less conditioned by social conventions, friendship is also a less hierarchical relationship than the others. As William Rollins points out in the foreword of the book, the pursuit of equality is essential ethical quality of friendship. Starting from childhood, making friends is a way to learn ethics, as well as to understand the meaning of fair dealing and cooperation.
This collection consists of 17 scientific papers that analyze various aspects of such a relationship: developmental, emotional, cultural and technological. Friendship appears in these texts as a process of learning empathy, adaptation, mutual understanding and emotional support. Several authors point out that it is difficult to find a universal definition of friendship because it develops in a more fluid space than other relationships and takes various forms depending on categories such as age, gender, ethnicity, social class, technologies and culture. What is friendship to one person may be just acquaintance to another. Friendship exists only as much as people recognize it: it is both stable and fragile, everyday and elusive.
Psychology of friendship combines academic precision and essayistic tone. The authors analyze both the positive and negative aspects of friendship in a concise and detailed manner. Readers will find out how friendships are formed, how they are maintained at different ages, but also how they are interrupted by conflict or gradually fade in silence, without big words and rituals. The conflict section of the book reveals how friends react to betrayal or disappointed expectations, exploring why that process sometimes results in forgiveness and sometimes in the desire for revenge. It also explains why some people have an insatiable need to compete with their friends in everything, but also how such rivalry affects the dynamics of friendship. On the other hand, the section devoted to the emotional and cognitive benefits of friendship indicates that the quality of friendships has a huge impact on mental health, often even stronger than family or partner support. Some of the research included in the book shows that even the presence of one close friend can have a therapy-like effect, and that the quality of friendships can be a more reliable factor in longevity than many physical factors.
Particularly interesting are the chapters that deal with the specifics of friendships between the elderly, people with chronic diseases or those who are socially marginalized. One chapter even explores the emotional connection with pets, considering how these relationships contribute to a sense of closeness and support, but also warns of the risks of attributing human characteristics to animals. Separate chapters are devoted to situations when friendships overlap with another private or business relationship, such as friendships with (former and current) romantic partners, colleagues or mentors.
The book also analyzes changes in friendship in the modern digital environment. The authors point out that social networks simultaneously widened the circle of acquaintances, made it easier to maintain relationships and diluted the meaning of the word friend. Technology is not presented as a magic wand to solve problems, nor does it lament the alienation of modern man - it is a tool that is neither good nor bad in itself, but the way we use it deeply affects our sense of belonging, closeness and social fulfillment.
The author's decision not to offer unequivocal conclusions, but to offer the reader the opportunity to see the complexity of the phenomenon for himself, speaks of seriousness and respect for the subject. Friendship, as this collection shows, is not a one-size-fits-all relationship, but a subtle and multi-layered relationship that is constantly transforming and reflects trust, reciprocity and freedom of choice.
Although the Psychology of Friendship is primarily intended for psychologists, it is stylistically receptive to all laymen who want to learn more about one of the most fundamental and most developed human relationships.
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